ON HOMESICKNESS

A lovely reader named Kara emailed me asking if I would ever write a post on coping with homesickness and I thought it was a great idea. I always love hearing from you guys about topics you’d like to see me cover on Design Darling so please don’t hesitate to tweet me (@mackenziehoran), snapchat me (@designdarling), or email me if you have any requests!

If you’re new to Design Darling, here’s a little background for you: I grew up in Connecticut, went to Bucknell, lived in New York after graduation, and moved to Dallas a little over a year ago with my now fiancé Will. My parents still live in Connecticut and my three siblings are currently working on Nantucket for the summer. Once the summer is over, my sister Reilly will return to Brooklyn (we missed each other in New York by just three months), my brother Grayson is going to move into the city, and my brother Camden will return to college in Ohio.

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{The whole crew at Camden’s high school graduation last spring}

Homesickness is no doubt the hardest thing I’ve dealt with since moving to Dallas. Moving in with Will was a happy transition and making friends in our new city has been surprisingly easy and seriously fun. It’s strange because I worried I’d really miss living in New York — and I do miss certain things, like the energy in the streets and friends who still live there and some of our favorite restaurants — but in general Dallas has been a great move for us. I love being able to afford a car, office space, help for my business, etc., all things that have made me feel more like an adult and less like the transient twenty-something I really am.

But as kind as Dallas has been to me, there’s no getting around the fact that I miss my family like crazy. It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows, stronger on some days than others, but always there in some capacity. Some days I’m in love with Texas and begging my family to pick up and move here and other days I’m so homesick for the east coast I’m calling my mom and fighting back tears.

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{With my mom on Nantucket last summer}

I did a lot of the latter (ask my poor parents, who I’m pretty sure wanted to start screening my calls) when I lived in San Francisco briefly after graduation but I’d like to say I’ve gotten better in the five years since. There are a lot of things that separate the two experiences — crashing on someone’s couch alone in San Francisco vs. buying a house in my fiancé’s hometown — but I wanted to share a few of the things that help me when I’m feeling particularly homesick in case they’re helpful to some of you experiencing the same.

When I’m feeling super homesick, Will is just the best and will ask me if it’s time to book a trip to see my people. The trip doesn’t need to be that weekend or even that month — often it’s just having a date on the calendar to look forward to and being able to call my parents and let them know we’ll be seeing them soon. Whether you’re able to make it home once a month or just twice a year, having a date set is so much better than not knowing the next time you’ll make it back. We try to plan in advance but a couple weeks ago I booked a last minute trip and it wound up being just what I needed. We also had my parents, Grandy, my sister, and my cousin and her boyfriend down to Dallas for our engagement party in February — it’s fun to switch off who’s traveling where, not unlike you’d do in a long distance relationship.

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{Loved having everyone in Dallas this winter!}

Obviously travel can get expensive, though thankfully I’ve found flights from Dallas to New York for as little as $99 if I plan far enough in advance. Something that we’re doing as a family since my parents sold our childhood house is renting a house in a different place each Christmas and all getting ourselves there instead of buying each other presents — the time together is the gift, especially as we get older and family members are spread out everywhere from Boston to San Diego. This is definitely something I hope we can do more of as my siblings get older and start making their own money — picking a destination and a date and then all finding a way to make it work so it’s not just back and forth to Dallas or New York every couple months.

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{My sister sends the best throwback photos #coolpinkshoes}

Google Hangout is my new best friend. If you haven’t used it, I personally prefer it to Skype and love that the whole family can join in (and take advantage of all the filters and sound effects, not unlike Snapchat). We try to do a family call around once a month and it’s fun to see my sister’s apartment or my brother’s dorm room as if we’re actually all in the same place. I always end the hangout with a grateful heart just seeing all my people healthy and happy.

Group text threads are an obvious answer to homesickness and an easy way to check in daily without the expense of a plane ticket or the time commitment of a Google Hangout. I wouldn’t say I’m the best texter but I find myself laughing out loud at random stories or old photos from my siblings, even if it takes everyone a day or two to respond.

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{Hosting a blogger event with Amanda and Ali}

This is a more personal observation but I imagine it could apply to lots of you who are in similar situations living far away from your family. I find that the times I’m experiencing the most homesickness are when I’ve been spending too much time alone, whether because I’m working late nights or Will’s out of town one weekend. It makes sense that feeling lonely and feeling homesick go hand in hand — and typically it’s these moments when I’m least inclined to make plans and be social — but it’s also the most important time to rally and leave the house and get out of my own head. I spent way too much time alone when I lived in San Francisco, missing my then boyfriend and calling my parents every chance I got. But now living with my best friend in a place that feels less temporary, I’ve made much more of an effort to put down roots here and spend time both with Will’s family and friends we’ve made here. It’s amazing what grabbing lunch or scheduling a workout class with a girlfriend can do to snap me out of a funk — and it’s way better to call my parents and tell them how much fun I’m having than it is for them to hear me whine about how much I miss home.

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{Having a little too much fun with Amy}

Anyway, I obviously don’t have a cure for homesickness (I wish!) but I hope this gave you a little personal insight into my transition to living in Dallas and maybe helped a few of you see that you’re so not alone when it comes to missing your crew. If you have any words of wisdom on coping with homesickness, I’d love to hear from you. Sorry this was a NOVEL. xx

P.S. If you enjoyed this more personal post, here are a few similar ones I’ve written: